


Off-ness

by Oz_the_Magician



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Short One Shot, Stanford Era, i guess, its kind of just a stream of thought writing, like super short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 09:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3604281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oz_the_Magician/pseuds/Oz_the_Magician
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's not sure why it happens, but he can't shake this feeling of being off</p>
            </blockquote>





	Off-ness

**Author's Note:**

> Its around freshman year. Sorry if its a bit messy, its un-betaed and just a stream of conscious writing. Sorry also if it offends or makes anyone upset though I don't imagine it will. Those are not my intentions. 
> 
> From Sam's prov

I don’t know why I get this way.

Less then an hour ago I a couldn’t be happier just listening to music and talking to my friends but now this hour has slowly crept past me and now I can stop this constant feeling of unhappiness just dragging me down. Nothing has changed, the same music is playing on repeat, I’m talking to the same friends about more or less the same things but I can help this feeling of off-ness. I wouldn’t call it sadness per say because to be sad you have to have something to be sad about. No...its more a haunting feeling of just not being right. One that makes it a bit harder to think and just a tad more difficult to breathe but compared to everyone elses problems I can muscle through it.

Being distracted helps. With the workload being what it is I hadn’t gotten a chance for my mind to wonder and that’s helped more than I can say. But now, nearing the end of this school year, I find myself getting trapped in my own mind more and more often and that is not a good place to be stuck.

There’s some part of me that want my friends to notice. Notice that I’m just not acting right. They don’t, though. They never do. Its gotten to the point where the only comfort I can receive about my off-ness is just the right song and my own sighs. I don’t know if something’s wrong with me or if this was one of the unexpected add-ons of being a normal human but if I’d know that before I don’t know if I would’ve made the choice.

So now I’m just sitting here quietly, listening to my friends talk why the same songs play on repeat trying to make it my every second like its decades long. I can feel the jealousy and anger surge through my veins as I watch everyone else getting to be happy. This is quickly followed by the mind numbing guilt of being so selfless as to wish my off-ness onto others. The guilt is bad enough that it makes me want to just curl up into a ball and block out the rest of the world but then I’d bring more attention to myself rather then letting them get to be happy which would bring more guilt. Its a vicious cycle really.

“Hey, are you okay, Sam? You’ve been quiet over there,” Jess asked, her beautiful eyes full of concern. Concern for me. The idea made my off heart flutter slightly.

This was my chance. My chance to finally tell someone about these weird feelings that I’d had for the past months. My chance to finally open up to someone. My chance to be free.

I gave her the best smile my off self could give, “I’m fine.”

**  
**  
  



End file.
